I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
