glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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