remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
