NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
