sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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