her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
youre lurking in front of me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
