Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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