A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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