Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
