i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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