Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
