i will never coherently bang her
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
