Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
