What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
