Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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