Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
