I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I love having hate sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
