I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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