That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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