I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
