you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
