After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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