I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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