I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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