Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
