my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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