So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
