is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
