hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
