new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
