Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
