Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
