so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
