I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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