just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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