I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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