I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize