My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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