Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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