Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
