I want to have your abortion
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize