The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
