i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
