Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
