dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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