Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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