How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
