i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
