I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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