where am i from again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
