Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
