everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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