I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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