At least make sure they are 18
Why
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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