Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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