Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
