I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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