He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
His nipple licking is glorious
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
