I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
