I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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