Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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