I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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