I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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