How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
