the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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