fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't deserve a penis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
