when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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