and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
