did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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