You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
