It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
