i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
