i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
