Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
