don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
